also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
