meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
