Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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