I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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