it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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