i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
