Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
