I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
