I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
