you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
