My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
