I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
