Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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