I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
