the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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