I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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