Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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