i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
