My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
