so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
