I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
