Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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