Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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