I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
