OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
