wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
