shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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