Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
