I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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