The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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