I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
