I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just gargled with NyQuil
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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