I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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