Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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