you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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