I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
