there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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