fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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