Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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