Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am one with the molecules
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
