hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
