a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
