sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
