he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
