Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
