I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
