you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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