apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need a burrito and a hug.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Randomize
