So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
