does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
