at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
